New Year, New Relationship

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The last year was rough for many of us.  As you recharge and get ready to begin anew in the New Year, consider your relationship with your significant other, or lack of.  What do you want to change?  What are you going to do differently?  What is your vision for the future?

African American Matchmaking has a special offer just for you.  Become a member and start your matchmaking process NOW FOR FREE.  Just Get Started!  If you need us, we are here.

Moving On After a Breakup: 15 Tips

Pick Yourself Up

  1. Allow yourself time to grieve, feel the disappointment of unmet expectations and unfulfilled dreams.
  2. Now that you are no longer together, go within to find strength to stay away.
  3. Start planning for your future:  romantically, professionally, personally.
  4. Make a list of things that make you feel good, your Feel Good list.
  5. Everyday, try to do something on your Feel Good list.
  6. Engage in activities with friends and family to remind yourself that you are not alone.
  7. Take a walk to energize your body and clear your mind.
  8. Take vitamins and watch your health.
  9. Avoid rushing into a new relationship, but think about finding someone new, someone better.
  10. Enjoy your freedom while you have it!
  11. See your ex as a teacher and think about what you learned.
  12. Take each minute, each hour and each day, one at a time.
  13. Know that this shall pass.
  14. Read inspiration quotes to uplift your spirits.
  15. Know that this door closed in order to open a new door with something better for you.

Does Your Partner Really Know You? 5 Ways to Find Out

You Dont Even Know Me

We spend time and intimate space with our boyfriends and girlfriends, but how well do they know us, really?  Five ways to tell is your partner really knows you:

  1. Whether it costs a lot or a little, s/he knows the perfect gift to give you at any given time, holidays and non-holidays.
  2. Even though they wait patiently for you to finish, s/he could finish your sentences for you.
  3. S/he can order food at any restaurant at home or in any foreign country and you would enjoy it.
  4. S/he knows what kind of books you read and movies you like to watch.
  5. They know the secret things you do when you are home alone, just being you, and they do not judge.

The Importance of Affection: Part 1

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Affection is the expression of care. It symbolizes security, protection, comfort and approval — vital ingredients in any relationship. When one spouse is affectionate toward the other, the following messages are sent:

  1. You are important to me. I will care for you and protect you.
  2. I’m concerned about the problems you face and will be there for you when you need me.

A simple hug can say those things. And there are many other ways to show our affection: A greeting card or an “I love you” note; a bouquet of flowers; holding hands; walks after dinner; back rubs; phone calls; and conversations with thoughtful and loving expressions. All of these can effectively communicate affection.

Affection is, for many, the essential cement of a relationship. Without it, many feel totally alienated. With it, they become emotionally bonded. If you feel terrific when your spouse is affectionate, and you feel terrible when there is not enough of it, you have the emotional need for affection.

Re-posted from:  http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3305_aff.html.

Trust Your Intuition

Intuition

Everyone has an opinion:  your family, friends, coworkers, even strangers.  When it comes to love and relationships, above all, trust your intuion.  Your intuition is that gut instinct, inner voice, spiritual guidance which tells you what feels right and what feels wrong, who drains you and who uplifts you, what you feel obligated to do vs. what you are designed to do.

LISTEN.

Does Denzel Have a Point?

Denzel Tweet Nov2012

I am glad that Denzel Washington spoke about what needs to be spoken about.  As an advocate and supporter of the Boys & Girls Clubs of America, he is also playing his role as part of the solution.

However, I can’t join the bandwagon and engage in male-bashing!  There are also too many gossiping, phony, broke, nonproductive women out here, too. And let’s not forget:   it is the women who are accepting these “men.”

Universal law and cosmic science dictates that for every good man, there is a good woman and for every bad man, there is a bad woman.  Unfortunately, the negative ones (male and female) get the most attention. Let’s change that.  I like uplifting brothers who are doing well.

I am also all for re-programming, starting with self.  From there, we can share our knowledge with others.  When we develop ourselves and mentor our youth, our sisters and brothers learn what is means to be man and woman in today’s society.  We are teach them how to value and love themselves, their family and their communities.

Powerful Black Love

Barak and Michelle Obama

No matter what your political views, President Obama and First Lady Michelle Obama have given us a powerful vision of Black love unlike any other.

Many of us wonder about this seemingly perfect match, “How did they find each other?”  Most of us want the committed, healthy, loving relationship that they appear to have.

African American Matchmaking Manager, Angela D. Coleman, believes “the time is right for this vision to become a reality for more of us, to debunk the myths about Black relationships and increase our love awareness. Love is healing and we all need it. ”

Get Started.

The 80/20 Theory

Hasani Pettiford

 

 

We all know that we will not always get everything that we want in our partner.

TV One’s Love Addiction’s relationship expert Hasani Pettiford believes:

“Follow the 80/20 rule. If a guy has 80% of what your looking for, you must be flexible enough to work with the 20%.”

Do you agree?

Questions for a Matchmaker

AngelaDColeman2013African American Matchmaker,  Angela D. Coleman, answers your most pressing questions:

1. Do you guarantee that I will get X number of dates?
No one, not even a highly qualified and experienced matchmaker, can guarantee a satisfying relationship for you. So be wary of such claims because they are most likely disguised escort services or scams!  Some agencies guarantee you a certain number of introductions.  However, there is no guarantee about the quality of those interactions.

Your dating potential, ability to attract and maintain a relationship is primarily controlled by, guess who?  You!  However, with dating advice from African American Matchmaking, we can help you maximize your dating potential and “dateability.” 

But, let’s look at the big picture.  Dates are a means to an end.  As a goal itself, a date is short-term and with the wrong person, can be very uninspiring.  The goal of African American Matchmaking is to find you a loving partner, which is long-term, giving you an infinite number of superior dates for the rest of your life.

2. Are you married? If so, how long have you been married?
Love and marriage are mutually exclusive, which means one can, and often does, exist without the other.  Not everyone makes marriage an end goal and most people in the new millennium understand that years of marriage are not equated with happiness in either partner. 

Personally, I have consistently maintained loving, long-term, committed relationships throughout my adult life with periods of single life in-between; I have been engaged 3 times and married once.  I can identify with most African American Matchmaking members because I have experienced the highs and lows of relationships at various life stages:  I have been both happy and unsatisfied as a single, engaged, married, and divorced woman. Currently, I am happy in love with a wonderful man and have been for a while! *

Most of us have a learning curve when it comes to relationships and no one is perfect.  Everyone is different and a matchmaker’s responsibility is to find out what makes the client happy. The process is really about YOU, what you want and need.

3. What qualifies you and the other members of your team to take on matchmaking?
African American Matchmaking is new, but we are not new to the relationship business. Most of the matchmakers at African American Matchmaking have degrees in the social sciences and are highly experienced with consulting, counseling and assisting individuals and couples. 

For example, I have a degree in Psychology and African American Studies from Princeton University and Certification in African Holistic Medicine & Science, plus my Masters in Business Administration (MBA).  

With my extensive experience working with African American women and girls, I am an expert on current issues that impact them. What I hear most is a desire to be validated in a caring, loving relationship with a partner and the frustration that can result from failed attempts.  I have also heard similar frustrations from African American men.

A matchmaker helps you find love by providing personal matchmaking services to find someone who is compatible.  Matchmakers spend time and energy getting to know who you are and what you need.  They also help you to make good choices.  In addition, most matchmakers screen potential partners, provide dating and relationship advice to support your journey. 

Moving Forward
I love your questions!  President Obama and First Lady Michelle Obama have given us a powerful vision of Black love unlike any other.  We have to educate ourselves about matchmaking because matchmaking used to be reserved only for the very wealthy and elite. 

We ALL deserve love in our lives.  When you become a member of African American Matchmaking, we become your ally in love.

Feel free to contact us again to see if we can help you:  contact@africanamericanmatchmaking.com.  You can Get Started now!

*I am writing a book about my various experiences with love, so keep posted!

 

How Matchmaking Helps You

Beautiful Black Couple by the Water

Most African American Matchmaking members lead very busy lives with successful careers, family and community activities.  This lifestyle allows time to date and be in a relationship, but does not leave a lot of time to search extensively for the right partner.  Meeting someone on your own is like looking for a needle in a haystack!  Some of our members join African American Matchmaking after getting very frustrated and disappointed in their attempts at online dating.

Some of our members have made bad decisions in the past regarding their romantic relationships and want to take back control of their decisions, plus have a trained professional who can support them in making new, better choices.  Having a matchmaking reduces the likelihood that you will get involved in a very risky relationship or be in an unfulfilling one with no growth and progress.

African American Matchmaking screens its members during an extensive application, assessment and review process so that all members feel safe, secure and comfortable meeting other members.  When there is a potential match, members are introduced by the matchmaker to each other first before they agree to talk or meet each other.  Date preparation, date follow-up and relationship coaching are included with African American Matchmaking services.

African American Matchmaking members are goal oriented and want to be as proactive as they can be to achieve their goal of developing a happy, healthy relationship.  Let’s get started!

Read more about Matchmaking Services.

What is a Matchmaker?

black couple at bar

When it comes to finding a partner, there may be a lot of fish in the sea.

But what if you don’t have time to swim with every school, or you live in over-fished waters? Or maybe you just have a hard time with the whole bait-and-tackle thing. In any case, catching the right one can be tough.

Enter the high-end, professional matchmaker. Matchmaking is an old profession with a decidedly modern twist: databases, ad campaigns and a culture of singles who don’t have built-in social networks.

The matchmaker will interview clients about their desires, screen potential partners according to a client’s specifications, make several introductions over a year or two, and fine-tune the search as more information comes to light about a client’s nature and preferences.

[Excerpt from article on CNN Money.com]

How a Matchmaker Helps You
Why Use a Matchmaker?  5 Good Reasons
Matchmaking Process

The Importance of Date Night

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Date night is a special time for just the two of you to enjoy each other.  Suggestion:  have a date night as least one night each week.  It doesn’t matter what you do, as long as you commit to doing something TOGETHER!

Date night ideas:

  • Dinner
  • Movie
  • Drinks, snacks
  • Sporting event
  • Concert
  • Park
  • Exercise
  • Nightclub
  • Massages
  • Shopping
  • Ice cream/smoothies
  • Theater

Sexual Healing

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Those of us who have positive sexual experiences knows that sex is a healthy way of expressing love and affection.  It is that extra spark that keep things going!  When it’s good, sex also has restorative powers, stimulating your brain and body in unimaginable ways.   It can help you refocus your mind, increase your love energy, be more positive and feel great.

To maximize your sexual healing:

  • Sex in long-term, committed, loving relationships allows SAFETY in consistency, freedom of expression and connection.  Like other forms of healing, sex is mental, physical and spiritual.
  • Do something different.  Vary your lovemaking schedule and positions.
  • Don’t be afraid to be someone different.  Change your look with wigs, sexy lingerie and don’t be afraid to role play (think, night nurse, male stripper).
  • Set the mood with incense, wine and candles.  Everyone looks beautiful by smoky candlelight after a glass of good wine.
  • Keep it fresh by maintaining good hygiene.  You can use bathing as a prelude with the promise of more to come.

Are You “Damaged Goods”?

Give Yourself Time to Heal

To a large extent, most of us are “damaged goods,” meaning we had experiences that have scarred us and still affect us today.  Take time to heal.

When you work on your healing, you allow yourself to be an imperfectly glorious being.  This is the key to self-acceptance, which increases feelings of self-worth and self-esteem.  Of course, this makes you a better person, but also a better partner.

While we all have our issues, we continue to deserve love and respect.  There are plenty of loving unions that consist of people who are both consciously and consistently working on themselves.  If you want to attract a healthy and whole partner, you must be that which you seek.

Overcoming Daddy’s Dysfunction: 7 Tips

Daddy

Many of us have fathers who were simply not there in our lives.  We grew up with them physically outside of the home and/or mentally and emotionally unavailable.  This void has affected the way we respond to the opposite sex in our adult romantic relationships.

As adults, we have to let go and move on, recognizing our loss but not dwelling on it.  Specifically, here is what you can do:

  1. Know that you are not alone.
  2. See lack of fatherhood experiences are part of a systematic problem in American society, not just a problem in your family.  Your father was probably parented the same way.
  3. Recognize the way that slavery experiences affected the functioning (or lack of) of Black family units.
  4. Understand that our parents are imperfect human beings who often did the best that they can under stressful circumstances.
  5. Know what your needs are due to your experience of fatherlessness.  Are they reasonable?  Can you find what you need?
  6.  Be specific about your needs when you visualize your ideal partner, a man or woman who can naturally and effortlessly fulfill them.
  7. If your issues are still unresolved, find support.  If needed, seek professional help from a counselor or therapist.