Those of us who have positive sexual experiences knows that sex is a healthy way of expressing love and affection. It is that extra spark that keep things going! When it’s good, sex also has restorative powers, stimulating your brain and body in unimaginable ways. It can help you refocus your mind, increase your love energy, be more positive and feel great.
To maximize your sexual healing:
Sex in long-term, committed, loving relationships allows SAFETY in consistency, freedom of expression and connection. Like other forms of healing, sex is mental, physical and spiritual.
Do something different. Vary your lovemaking schedule and positions.
Don’t be afraid to be someone different. Change your look with wigs, sexy lingerie and don’t be afraid to role play (think, night nurse, male stripper).
Set the mood with incense, wine and candles. Everyone looks beautiful by smoky candlelight after a glass of good wine.
Keep it fresh by maintaining good hygiene. You can use bathing as a prelude with the promise of more to come.
To a large extent, most of us are “damaged goods,” meaning we had experiences that have scarred us and still affect us today. Take time to heal.
When you work on your healing, you allow yourself to be an imperfectly glorious being. This is the key to self-acceptance, which increases feelings of self-worth and self-esteem. Of course, this makes you a better person, but also a better partner.
While we all have our issues, we continue to deserve love and respect. There are plenty of loving unions that consist of people who are both consciously and consistently working on themselves. If you want to attract a healthy and whole partner, you must be that which you seek.
Many of us have fathers who were simply not there in our lives. We grew up with them physically outside of the home and/or mentally and emotionally unavailable. This void has affected the way we respond to the opposite sex in our adult romantic relationships.
As adults, we have to let go and move on, recognizing our loss but not dwelling on it. Specifically, here is what you can do:
Know that you are not alone.
See lack of fatherhood experiences are part of a systematic problem in American society, not just a problem in your family. Your father was probably parented the same way.
Recognize the way that slavery experiences affected the functioning (or lack of) of Black family units.
Understand that our parents are imperfect human beings who often did the best that they can under stressful circumstances.
Know what your needs are due to your experience of fatherlessness. Are they reasonable? Can you find what you need?
Be specific about your needs when you visualize your ideal partner, a man or woman who can naturally and effortlessly fulfill them.
If your issues are still unresolved, find support. If needed, seek professional help from a counselor or therapist.