“A man wants peace in his house and in his relationships. Intimacy is important, too. However without peace, intimacy becomes a challenge and that is when the man’s mind and eyes start to wander. In the spirit of keeping it real, if a woman of any age desires to have and build a relationship with a good man, be prepared to listen and hear/see/feel/ your man. Once you commit to doing that, a good (and intelligent) man will do all that he can to fulfill all of your needs and desires. It’s really that simple.”
Harold “Heru” Williams
Being in love gives us a natural high. It has now been confirmed that being in love relieves pain in a way that is as powerful as morphine. In a recent Stanford University study, 15 study participants were asked to hold a temperature probe while looking at a picture of their lovers. The participants who looked at someone they were in love with had a 45% reduction in their perception of moderate pain and a 12% reduction in their feeling of severe pain.
Keith Hammond’s book, Romance 101: Class is in Session, is dedicated to “the women who want to know their men” and to “the men who need to know their women.” On page 89, he suggests creating a Romance List, a list of the romantic things you want your mate to do to please you, likely the things that were common in the courtship phase of the relationship. According to Hammond, these are learned behaviors that can and should be taught and reinforced. The Romance List includes the following:
- Cuddle With Me
- Spoon With Me
- Say I Love You
- Take a Long Walk With Me
- Open Doors For Me
- Kiss Me Passionately
- Hold My Hand
- Make Me Laugh
- Touch Me With Sensuality
- Flirt With Me
- Lick My Ears and E-Zones
- Fix Me Hot Baths
- Give Me Body & Scalp Massages
- Tongue Only Sex Me
- Communicate & Listen To Me
- Candlelight Dine Me
- Flowers, Cards, Gifts, Candy, Poetry
- Weekend Getaways
- Silently Stare Deeply into My Eyes
- Dance Lessons
- Take Classes and Learn Together
Now, add your own!
It’s easy: just remember the Golden Rule of doing unto others as you would like them to do unto you. When you are dating and getting to know someone better, these simple rules will be helpful. Remember, you only get one chance to make a first impression. And technology is no substitute for human companionship. Cherish each other and respect each other’s time.
- Do not use your cell phone when driving. Pull over to make or receive calls or messages.
- Call or text as soon as you find out you are running late and make sure it includes an apology and the approximate time you will arrive.
- When you are out on a date with someone special, don’t use your cell phone to play games, engage in social media activities, or check email.
- Don’t answer your cell phone when you are out on a date with someone special (unless it is your babysitter or child calling-then, be brief and explain the interruption).
- If you use your camera phone to take pictures, make sure you include the person that you are with in the pictures.
Truthfulness is being honest in your words and actions. You don’t tell lies, even to defend yourself. You don’t listen to gossip or prejudice. See the truth for yourself. You don’t try to be more than you are to impress others. Be yourself, your true self.
|You are practicing truthfulness when you…
* Don’t let others tell you what to think
* Investigate the truth for yourself
* Can tell the difference between fact and fantasy
* Admit when you have made a mistake
* Don’t exaggerate or deceive to impress othersAffirmation: I am truthful. I speak the truth. I see the truth with my own eyes. I am content to be my true self.
Source: The Virtues Project and The Family Connection, U.S. Virgin Islands
I Love My People.
I Love My Culture.
I Love LOVE.
Love Yourself. Love Each Other.
I AM YOUR AFRICAN AMERICAN MATCHMAKER,
Whether it’s your first date or the two of you have been together for awhile, make sure you don’t do any of these activities, which some of our African American Matchmaking members have listed as their pet peeves–extremely annoying and irritating behavior that they can’t stand:
- Bad breath
- Inappropriate dress
- Being mean
- Being rude
- Long fingernails
- Using words when you don’t know what they mean
- Trying to finish my story for me or guess what I am trying to say
- Bad odor/poor hygiene
- Lack of confidence
- Lack of grooming/looking sloppy
- Using poor grammar
- Not doing what you say you are going to do
- Not listening
- Heavy drinking
- Poor table manners