Fear, Fixation and Firmness

Couple in Thought

Dr. Dwayne Buckingham says:

“One of the most challenging aspects of entering and sustaining a committed relationship with a man is your ability to identify and walk away from single good men who are great candidates but are not qualified to be in relationships. As you improve your screening skills and learn to look beyond a man’s surface, you will understand that most single good men have the desire to settle down with the women of their dreams, buy the big white house in the suburbs and contribute to the birth of one and a half kids. However, a large percentage of single “good” men do not take that ultimate step toward oneness with that special woman because they are enslaved by fear, fixation and firmness. These three emotions typically dominate single “good” men and often dictate how they behave. If you do not learn anything else about single good men from this article, understand that fear, fixation and firmness are emotions that are deeply embedded in their psyche and often prevent many of them from entering into committed relationships and marrying. Stop wasting your time listening to men run “game” and start paying attention to their emotional makeup.”

Do you agree?  Read the entire article…

5 Ways to Be Uplifting


Being uplifting is a state of mind.  It means you inspire others to feel better and be better.  When you love in a healthy way, you uplift your partner. But you can also uplift total strangers.  You can make the choice to be uplifting.  How?

  1. EMPOWER.  Empowerment includes believing in yourself, having faith, and granting access to critical resources.  Spread the wealth!
  2. COMPLIMENT. When you see and feel something beautiful, acknowledge it to yourself and others.  Compliments are nice to give and receive.
  3. MOTIVATE.  We could all use motivation from time to time.  Helping others reach their goals also helps you reach your goals.
  4. COMFORT.  A hug, a kiss, wiping away a tear…  Providing comfort shows that you care.
  5. SHARE.  You can share a story, a dollar, your heart.  Whatever you have, open your heart chakra to be willing to share it with others.

Having Standards

Couple at Lake

“Male or female, it’s hard to respect someone who has no standards. A standard is a level of quality. This level of quality can be socially defined or defined by you. Having standards means that you respect yourself enough to reject what is simply NOT GOOD ENOUGH. Having standards helps us be selective and make better choices.”  From Black Girls Guide:  How to Find & Choose the Right Man

What You Can Do:

  • Create your own standards. What are they?
  • Be what you seek in your significant other to ensure that your standards are reasonable.
  • Learn to be consistent with your standards to achieve maximum results when dating.

Your Mate is Your Match

African Wedding

We can use the words “mate,” “match,” and “partner”
interchangeably because they are all THE ONE.

Creative Visualization

Afrocentric Couple Beach

Are you using creative visualization to your full benefit?  In Black Girls Guide: How to Find & Choose the Right Man, I write about its importance for finding a great relationship.   What loving relationship do you see in your future?

In the inspirational bestseller, Creative Visualization, author Shakti Gawain, explains that creative visualization is the technique of using your natural imagination to create what you want in your life. Our imagination, “the basic creative energy of the Universe” works whether we are aware of it or not. This ancient knowledge is the foundation of what people are now calling “The Secret” and “The Law of Attraction.”

To imagine, we must use information that is available to us, and then expand it. To imagine love is to increase our love awareness.

To be loving, we need to know what love is. Once we are able to identify it, we need to make it a constant in our lives. We need to really understand what it looks like, smells like, tastes like, and feels like.


What You Can Do: 

  • Nighttime is a particularly effective time for creative visualization.
  • Be as specific as you can to get what you really want.