What Are You Reading?

Urban Fiction

With so many books to choose from, many of us are choosing popular “urban literature” books that are easy to read and sexually titillating.  Urban literature or “street lit” is the prominent form of African American literature today.  However, the main characters often lack empowerment and their actions involve morally questionable profanity, sex, and violence.   The characters have interesting escapades, but are unable to maintain positive relationships.  Our teenagers often love these books about romanticized, “ghetto” love.  What is the effect of street lit on your love relationships for you and your children?

We become what we imagine (see the power of creative visualization) and our relationships tend to mirror what we see and hear before us:  in movies, television, radio, and books.  This is true of all types of media:  fiction, nonfiction, animation, cable, movies, pay-per-view, comics, music, etc.

When looking for a healthy, loving, long-term relationship, we need to constantly remind ourselves what this looks like.  If this type of match is really what you seek, everything that you see, inhale, and put your energy towards needs to be about this focused goal until you accomplish it.

What are you seeing when you read your favorite erotic fiction?

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Love is Everything

 

Everything
Performed by Mary J. Blige

You are my everything
You are my everything
You, my everything
Everything, everything, everything

It’s all because of you, I’m never sad and blue
You’ve brightened up my days in your own special way
Whenever you’re around, I’m never feeling down
You are my trusted friend, on you I can depend

You take me away from the pain and you bring me paradise
And when there were cloudy days you brought sunshine in my life
It never occurred to me the first time I saw your face
I would fall so deep in love that your love can’t be replaced

 You are my everything
Love so good only you can bring
You are my everything
You are everything and everything is you

My darling only you can make my dreams come true
And every night I pray, you’ll never go away
I promise I will try until the day I die
To treat you like a king because you are my everything

You take me away from the pain and you bring me paradise
And when there were cloudy days you brought sunshine in my life
It never occurred to me
I would fall so deep in love that your love can’t be replaced

You are my everything
Love so good only you can bring
You are my everything
You are everything and everything is you

 You are everything and everything is you
You are everything and everything is you
You are everything and everything is you
You are everything and everything is you

 When you’re lovin’ me, put your lovin’ arms around me
When you’re lovin’ me, said I feel so safe, I find security
When you’re lovin’ me, forever I want you to hold me
My everything, my every, every, every, everything

You are my everything
Love so good only you can bring
You are my everything
You are everything and everything is you

You are everything and everything is you
You are everything and everything is you
You are everything and everything is you
You are everything and everything is you
You are everything and everything is you
You are everything and everything is you

You are my everything
Love so good only you can bring
You are my everything
You are everything and everything is you

And I thank you, thank you, thank you

Songwriters:
Brown, Timothy Michael / Johnson, Damon / Rodgers, Nile / Edwards, Bernard / Rooney, Mark / Morales, Mark / Blair, Jourdan / Hodgkinson, Steven

Published by:
Lyrics © EMI Music Publishing, Warner/Chappell Music, Inc., Universal Music Publishing Group, Royalty Network, Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, Kobalt Music Publishing Ltd.

Love Makes You Happy, But Slower

Highest Calling

From a recent Huffington Post article, we now believe that:

1. Love makes you dumb and dumber. Studies have shown that people who are passionately in love are less able to focus and to perform tasks that require attention.

“When you have just become involved in a romantic relationship you’ll probably find it harder to focus on other things because you spend a large part of your cognitive resources on thinking of your beloved,” Dr. Henk van Steenbergen, assistant professor at Leiden University in The Netherlands, said in a written statement released by the university.

2. Love makes you high. And scientists have the MRI scans to prove it. When you fall in love, the same neural system in your brain linked to cocaine addiction becomes active, giving you that feeling of euphoria.

“You can feel intense elation when you’re in love. You can feel intense elation when you’re high on cocaine,” Dr. Lucy Brown, a professor of neurology and neuroscience at the Albert Einstein College of Medicine in New York, told CNN.

3. Love can make you less vulnerable to pain. Forget the Vicodin, maybe all you need is romance.
“It turns out that some of the areas of the brain activated by feelings of intense love are the same areas that drugs use to reduce pain,” Dr. Arthur Aron, a psychology professor  at the State University of New York at Stony Brook, said in a written statement released by Stanford University.

In fact, just holding hands with the person you love may alleviate pain.

5. Love makes you walk slower. For the guys, that is. Researchers have found that men adjust their walking speed to match their romantic partner’s pace — an odd phenomenon not seen when guys walk with someone they consider just a friend.

6. It makes you blind. Some studies show that people in a committed relationship who have been actively thinking about their partner actually avert their eyes from attractive members of the opposite sex unknowingly — it’s called an act of unconscious attentional bias.

There’s more!

Five Signs You Need Relationship & Love Rehab

black-couple-together

by , Reposted in abbreviated form from Single Black Male:

I was scanning the headlines a couple weeks back and I saw a few famous celebs were heading to rehab, albeit for more than the first time. I thought that the relationship most have with addiction is a lot like those who struggle to move past their last relationship or have flawed views on relationships. There are many of us who need to go away for a while, get away and have someone or something help move us past that hurt or that urge to do wrong. If that is the case, rehab may be the solution worth exploring. Again, love is a lot like addiction. It’s something you have a downward spiral into, you need more and more of it as the use goes on, and getting over it will be life-changing.

After I came to the conclusion that there may be a need for Love Rehab for people, I needed to figure out a way to explain the symptoms or signs that a person should be seeking out Love Rehab. I can’t list every possible reason I was able to brainstorm but I can list these five and I’m sure every other one is just an iteration of these five.

1. You’re taking it out on all the new people.
2. You still leave open the chance you might get back with an ex.
3. You haven’t accepted why the last relationship didn’t work.
4. You believe in emotional unavailability.
5. At your happiest moments, you still want to share it with your ex.

If you read this and you’re like, “Oh my God, that is so me!” that’s completely normal because for the most part it’s all of us. That’s also why rehab isn’t some set amount of time, it can be 30 days, 60 days, 90 days, or hell sometimes people need 26 weeks to shake the habit. Whatever it is, it’s only important that you’re making a conscious effort to get over it. If that means you spend some time in rehab, you do it, if you think you can handle it on your own, try it.

Just don’t get mad when you get dragged into rehab kicking and screaming by your family and closest friends.

Read the entire article here on Single Black Male

What Happened to Courtship?

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Courtship is being redefined.  Is it for the better?

Young 20-somethings “hang out,” opting for group socializing over personal one-on-one encounters and often engage in casual “hook-up” sex.  Texting, e-mail, Twitter or other forms of “asynchronous communication” have replaced more personal introductions. According to a recent New York Times article about courtship today:

“In the context of dating, it removes much of the need for charm; it’s more like dropping a line in the water and hoping for a nibble.”

“We’re all Ph.D.’s in Internet stalking these days,” said Andrea Lavinthal, an author of the 2005 book “The Hookup Handbook.” “Online research makes the first date feel unnecessary, because it creates a false sense of intimacy. You think you know all the important stuff, when in reality, all you know is that they watch ‘Homeland.’ ”

According to the article:

“Online dating services, which have gained mainstream acceptance, reinforce the hyper-casual approach by greatly expanding the number of potential dates. Faced with a never-ending stream of singles to choose from, many feel a sense of “FOMO” (fear of missing out), so they opt for a speed-dating approach — cycle through lots of suitors quickly.

That also means that suitors need to keep dates cheap and casual. A fancy dinner? You’re lucky to get a drink.”

Also cited in the article are the changing economic power dynamic between the genders. This means that younger generations are expecting and accepting something very different in their relationships, much different from previous generations.  Witnessing the divorce rates of their parents, reliance on technological communications, and more casual encounters…   Does this help them find a match or hurt them?  What do you think?

Source

National Fatherhood & Family Conference

African Heritage

The Fathers & Family Coalition of America will be hosting its 15th Annual National Conference, February 11-14, 2014 at The Westin Lake Las Vegas Resort & Spa in Henderson, NV.  Conference activities include:

  1. Fatherlessness: An American Epidemic to be featured documentary film.
  2. Fatherhood Practitioners & Healthy Relationship Educator Certificate Program.
  3. NEW: SEVEN COUPLES OF EXCELLENCE: The Coalition is committed to highlight strengthening families and seven (7) couples nationally who have been married for twenty (20) years or more.  Send nominations to the local FFCA Affiliate and winners will be selected to receive complimentary two night stay at the Westin Lake Las Vegas Spa & Resort-recognized at our gala-documentary of their secrets to success for a national release, plus a Special Renewal of Vows on the closing day overlooking Lake Las Vegas.  Nominate someone today by accessing our Fathers and Families Coalition of America App on iTunes or Google Play stores.  For more information on how to nominate a couple please contact Ms. Lisa Page at 404-405-5745 or by email at lisa.page@fathersandfamiliescoalition.org.

Yoga Love

Yoga Love

Pablo Imani, founder of Afrikan yoga, was born and raised in the UK.  He is a yoga teacher with Jamaican roots and member of the International Board of African Thinkers. He was recently interviewed after conducting a yoga teacher training class at Nabbinonya beach, Entebbe, a 50km drive from Kampala city.

ON A SCALE OF 1-10, DOES YOGA MAKE ONE A BETTER LOVER?

“I would say 10! ( Laughs)… Yoga puts you in touch with your own body. As you become aware and sensitive of your body, you begin to appreciate the other person. It gives you strength, flexibility and stamina to go into those wonderful bendy positions and because you are fit, you can sustain your energy and last longer. It is not only sexual, you begin to see the other person as a spiritual being to whom you are connected to thus creating a higher vibration and sex is a beautiful sacred thing that should be done with a higher vibration in mind.”

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