Are You Attracted to Unavailable People?

Cutie in a Tree

In The Ecstasy of Surrender: 12 Surprising Ways Letting Go Can Empower Your Life,  author Judith Orloff, M.D. devoted a chapter to letting go of any patterns that keep you from loving.  In her own words:

One of these patterns in being drawn to unavailable, commitment phobic people. It’s important to be very clear about what constitutes an unavailable person so you won’t be fooled by their charm or potential.

12 SIGNS YOU’RE ATTRACTED TO  

EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE PEOPLE (EUP) 

Here are some red flags to watch for. Even one sign warns you to be careful. The more that are present, the more danger exists.

  • They are married or in a relationship with someone else

  • They can’t commit to you or have feared commitment in past relationships

  • They have one foot on the gas pedal, one foot on the break

  • They are emotionally distant, shut down, or can’t deal with conflict

  • They’re mainly interested in sex, not relating emotionally or spiritually

  • They are practicing alcoholics, sex addicts, or substance abusers

  • They prefer long distance relationships, emails, texting, or don’t introduce you to their friends and family

  • They are elusive, sneaky, frequently working or tired, and may disappear for periods

  • They are seductive with you but make empty promises–their behavior and words don’t match

  • They send mixed messages, flirt with others, or don’t give a straight answer–you’re always trying to “de-code” what they really mean

  • They’re narcissistic, only consider themselves, not your needs

  • They throw you emotional crumbs or enticing hints of their potential to be loving, then withdraw

    Does any of these sound familiar?

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