Lovely Lingerie

Lingerie

“The sad truth is I can go weeks at a time without coming across
a nice photo of a woman of color in lingerie.”
Cora Harrington, a.k.a. Treacle Tart, cross-posted from The Lingerie Addict.

Most of us are stimulated when we see something that appeals to us.
African Americans wear lingerie, too!  Do you?

New-Brand-black-Men-s-Underwear-Sexy-Boxer-Brief-Shorts-transparent-Mesh-M-L

For Many of Us, the First Step to Love is Healing

Nice Looking Couple

Common responses to trauma include increased anxiety, emotional detachment, and addictive behaviors such as alcohol, drugs, sex, overeating, gambling, shopping, etc. Things that remind a person of a traumatic event can trigger avoidance symptoms. These symptoms may cause a person to change his or her personal routine. Have any of these behaviors replaced love in your life?

You don’t have to be trapped by your history. Human beings are amazingly resilient; we can heal ourselves. Healing is the restoration of health, soundness and spiritual wholeness. It is a reconciliation of the past and present for a brighter tomorrow.

The most effective way to heal is to do it together. The first step is to start with self-love—love the person you are. Healing with your family, friends, and/or significant others who are also conscious enough to be on a path toward collective recovery and love is also important and immensely helpful. Remember that you must first love yourself in order to be able to love others. Your healing begins on the inside; so, don’t be afraid to surround yourself with love on the outside.

We heal when we put love first. We heal when we prioritize ourselves. We heal when we master the art of LETTING GO of the past to honor the gifts of the present and move forward toward a wiser, more positive future.

Excerpt from Black Girls Guide:  How to Find & Choose the Right Man

BBG_Man Cover Final

“No Matter How Long the Night, the Day is Sure to Come.” African Proverb

Young Couple in Love (Small)

WE NEED MORE LOVE IN OUR COMMUNITIES.
The Goal of African American Matchmaking:  To Help You Find a Loving Relationship!

African American Matchmaking is a company that promotes Black Love:
Advice, Inspiration and Matchmaking Services

Dating Naked, Black & Afraid

Dating Naked

There is no dating justice for Justice in Dating Naked

I don’t watch a lot of shows on television, preferring independent films and Netflix binges to cable. However, the reality show Dating Naked, caught my attention.  Not just because it is yet another show featuring naked people, but because the concept of a potential couple meeting for the first time without clothing is intriguing to me as a matchmaker.

Nudity renders most people vulnerable , literally and figuratively open and stripped of masks and illusions. In theory, it could be the most authentic search for true love, free and fun times.  No pretenses, no hiding, no clothes.  This is where the show has the potential to shine.

In this “radical dating experiment,” it looks like there is some real matchmaking here. At least one of dates appear to be a real potential match that is consistent with what the other is looking for. This rarely happens coincidentally, but is the result of care, research, and good planning.  Interestingly, a nude wedding is scheduled to air this month featuring a couple that first met on the show.

Nudity is raw and for some, emotionally powerful.  One of the women on the show had such a hard time being naked that she eventually left the exotic island where the show is filmed.  Nudity and fear, it seems, go hand in hand. Others can’t seem to move past their lust by associating nudity with sexual availability.  These daters tend to be promiscuous!

The titillating nature of nudity is not lost on me.  As a dating show, I look for the show’s relevance for Black love. For African Americans, the show may as well be called Dating Naked, Black & Afraid because most people are generally uncomfortable being nude and even more uncomfortable being nude and matched with Black people for a date.  Understandably, they feel more at ease around each other.  African Americans often feel the same way.

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Typical line-up of daters with their clothed host on Dating Naked

Defying United States demographics and reality, the lack of diversity in both ethnicity and body type, is obvious.  Importantly, the inhabitants of this remote island are rendered even more invisible than Black people–I only saw two brothers and one sister featured on the show and we never see a local resident of the island on camera.

Like most dating and matchmaking shows, this one is clearly not created for the benefit of African Americans. Black people are rarely featured and when they are, they are treated like novelty items, “the first Black girl” and “first Black guy I’ve ever dated.”  White daters fail to “connect” with them, most likely because they are completely incompatible in other ways besides race.

Black daters are stereotyped:  a young Black man is described as “well-hung” and there were a variety of camera angles fixated on the behind of the only young Black woman dater I saw on the show. None of African American daters were picked to develop relationships at the end of the show, likely resulting in feelings of rejection and/or public humiliation for them.

Perhaps most importantly, unlike their White peers, Black people on Dating Naked are not coupled with each other! To my knowledge, no Black man and woman have been in the same show so that they can date.  This would easily resolve the show’s race problem  and make it more interesting.

In conclusion, Dating Naked is entertaining, but at best, woefully ignorant of the vast majority of people’s dating preferences to date within their own ethnic group; they give this option to White daters, but not to Black daters.  At worst, it is purposeful and deliberate sabotage of Black love in favor of another agenda.

Take a Risk

Rowing in the Lake

Good things come to those who risk, who step outside the norm and who allow themselves to be vulnerable.  Do something different to get a different outcome.  When nothing is ventured, nothing is gained.  Try it today!

Being Fabulous in Your 50’s

Angela-Bassett1

In her new feature photo shoot for the beauty and fashion magazine Violet Grey, actress and director Angela Bassett goes bold in sexy black lingerie and talks about what it takes to be a woman of strength, but she also talks about her most vulnerable times:

V.G.: WHO MAKES A GOOD DATE TO AN EVENT?
A.B.: A friend or a sister. I mean, the husband is always great, but there is something about a girlfriend…

V.G.: WHAT DO YOU SEE WHEN YOU LOOK IN THE MIRROR?
A.B.: A passionate woman who knows what she loves and has been blessed to be able to do it…and continue to do it!

V.G.: WHAT IS YOUR GREATEST WEAKNESS?
A.B.: Love…and sugar.

V.G.: WHEN DO YOU FEEL THE MOST VULNERABLE?
A.B.: When I’m told I can’t do something. When I’m told I’m not good enough, that I can’t have something, can’t go somewhere, especially because of the color of my skin.

Source

Get Flowers, Stay Happy

Black Couple with Flowers

Most of us enjoy flowers. They stimulate many of our senses in a positive way, all at once. Flowers are beautiful to look at, smell great, and feel soft.

Most people feel happier when they receive gifts and giving flowers is one of the most popular gifts that couples exchange. You can stare at flowers and always see something new, smell the scent of the blooms, or rub their soft petals between your fingers.

Different colors stimulate different emotions and have different meanings. For example, red symbolizes deep love and passion, pink stands for romantic love, white for peace, and yellow stimulates health and happiness. How do we extend the life of our flowers to extend the mood?

You can put carefully pruned cut flowers in water.  Flowering plants will last longer since they are rooted in enriching soil which keeps them alive to go through different growth stages that include a dormancy period with no flowers and a blooming period, often with vibrant blooms.

Green foliage, even without any colorful flowers, often brightens a room and contributes to a nurturing environment. But of course, like any plant, you must take care of flowering plants, whether indoors or outdoors, and they are varying degrees of maintenance for each type. Don’t worry! There are low-maintenance flowering plants and high maintenance ones, so there are lots of options to choose from. Try giving a flowering plant to someone as a gift or giving one to yourself and see how it brightens the day.

Intimacy: Beyond Sex

Close Smiles

Sexual intimacy is often mistaken for intimacy, in general.  It’s not!  In fact, sexual intimacy is the easiest type of intimacy for some people to achieve, even though it has the potential to be one of the most intense.

Intimacy is much more than sexual affection and physical touch.  True intimacy involves reciprocity, mutual trust, respect, and admiration.  A conversation can be intimate.  A look can be intimate.  Body language can also be an obvious sign of intimacy, or lack of.

Intimacy is a feeling beyond the physical sensation of touch. It involves a bond that is more than superficial. The capacity for intimacy is an indication of being able to be in a healthy, loving relationship.

Is Love Your Religion?

 Embody Love
“If you surrender to a power greater than yourself,
which you should because to
think that we are in control of everything is silly,
then love and energy should be your ‘religion.'”

-Danielle Paige

www.healingpaige.com

The Link Between Love and Success

Love and Success

What is the link between love and success?  Does love lead to success?  Or does success lead to love?  Is there a causal relationship? Is there even a correlation?

There is no doubt that being successful can make you more attractive to some people.  Many women, for example, are attracted to men in powerful positions. But we are not talking about attraction.  We are talking about love!

Love is elusive for some.  And financial success does not equal love.  Just ask any rich celebrity:  success does not bring you love.

For many of us, there is no link whatsoever.  Love is love and success is just that.  But for others, love can elevate our dreams, our visions, our selves, and yes, our success.  True love makes us stronger in all aspects of our lives, including success and perhaps more importantly, our perspectives about success.

Can you be successful without love? There are examples of people who show us that yes, you can.  But maybe we are asking the wrong question.  What is your definition of success and when you are successful, does that mean that you are happy?

Most of us looking for love and success are really looking for happiness.  The link between love and happiness is absolute–we are happier when we have love in our lives.

Let Me Love You

Mario-01

Baby I just don’t get it, do you enjoy being hurt?
I know you smelled the perfume, the make-up on his shirt
You don’t believe his stories, you know that they’re all lies
Bad as you are, you stick around and I just don’t know why

If I was ya man
(Baby you)
Never worry ’bout
(What I do)
I’d be coming home
(Back to you)
(Every night, doin’ you right)

You’re the type of woman
(Deserves good things)
Fistful of diamonds
(Hand full of rings)
Baby, you’re a star
(I just want to show you, you are)

You should let me love you
Let me be the one to give you everything you want and need
Baby good love and protection
Make me your selection
Show you the way love’s supposed to be
Baby you should let me love you,
love you,
love you,
love you,
yeah

Listen
Your true beauty’s description looks so good that it hurts
You’re a dime plus ninety-nine and it’s a shame
Don’t even know what you’re worth
Everywhere you go they stop and stare
‘Cause you’re bad and it shows
From your head to your toes, out of control, baby you know

If I was your man
(Baby you)
Never worry ’bout
(What I do)
I’d be coming home
(Back to you)
(Every night, doin’ you right)

You’re the type of woman
(Deserves good things)
Fistful of diamonds
(Hand full of rings)
Baby, you’re a star
(I just want to show you, who you are)

You should let me love you
Let me be the one to give you everything you want and need
Ooh baby good love and protection
Ooh make me your selection show you the way love’s supposed to be

Baby you should let me
(You deserve better girl)
You know you deserve better
(We should be together girl)
Baby, with me and you it’s whatever girl, hey
So can we make this thing ours?

You should let me love you
Let me be the one to give you everything you want and need
(Let me be the one to give, everything you need)
Good love and protection
(Said everything)
Make me your selection
(Will you take me baby)
Show you the way love’s supposed to be

(Baby you should let me love you)
You should let me love you
Let me be the one to give you everything you want and need
(I’ll give you everything)
That good love and protection
Make me your selection show you the way love’s supposed to be
(Hey)

You should let me love you
(Love you)
Let me be the one to give you everything you want and need
(The one to, everything you need)
That good love and protection
(Protection)
Make me your selection show you the way love’s supposed to be
(Selection baby)
(Yeah)

Let me love you
That’s all you need baby

4 Simple Ways to Keep Your Marriage Awesome

black-marriages-9587

Do you believe in healthy and happy marriages?  Whether you are looking to get married or “been there, done that,” these are things to think about as you set the foundation for a loving, long-lasting relationship.

Solution 1: Arguing Smart
Right-fighting or fighting to be right is a waste of energy and offers a disrespectful stance. Stay on topic and don’t include past problems or topics which are not related to the subject at hand.

Solution 2: Respect and Love and Communicate
Without respect there is no true love. Valuing our unique individualism is always worthy of respect.  Always encourage each other by giving what you would like to get in return.

Solution 3:  Lighten Up
While marriage is a big step with many responsibilities attached, it is important to let the joys of life filter in and around daily living.

Solution 4: Setting the Harmonious Stage
Setting the stage for a happy marriage takes vision, patience, compromise and complete dedication to its designed purpose.

Read the entire article: 4 Simple Ways to Keep Your Marriage AwesomeDumb Little Man 

3 Ways to Say “I Love You”

Couple Touching

 

1. Celebrate your partner’s success. This makes you and your mate feel good and epitomizes the notion of partnership.

2. Say “thank you.” Expressing gratitude for both the big things and the little things that you do for each other keeps you from taking each other for granted.

3. Combine sexy with romantic. Both are important by themselves, but when sexy attitude and romantic gestures combine, the real magic begins.

 

How To Write a Love Letter

letter-writing-illustration

Reblogged from How NOT to Write a Love Letter:

These dos and don’ts can help:

Do…

  • Take your time. Writing a love letter is too nice a job to rush.
  • Share your real feelings. This is no time to be shy.
  • Write in your own everyday voice–your reader wants to hear your voice, not an imitation of someone else’s.
  • Give some thought to how your reader might react. How well do you know him or her? Are you declaring your love for the first time, or are you both so in love you’re walking on air? Don’t spoil the spontaneity, but make sure what you write seems appropriate to the level of your relationship.
  • Remember to say “I love you”!

Don’t…

  • Don’t worry that you’re “not a good writer.” You’re as good as you need to be!
  • Don’t say anything you don’t mean. It’s easy to go over the top when you’re writing a love letter. Be sure you’re being honest to yourself.
  • Don’t be afraid to say silly things. If you love the way she slams the car door or the way he chops vegetables, say so.
  • Don’t be creepy. If you’re writing to someone who doesn’t have any idea how you feel, don’t go overboard describing your feelings and your desires.
  • Don’t put it in an e-mail. This is love we’re talking about, for heaven’s sake. Invest in a nice card or writing paper, and write it out by hand. A love letter is a kind of gift–make it a tangible object they can slip under their pillow, save in their wallet, or otherwise treasure forever.
  • Don’t chicken out! Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

A personalized handwritten love letter means so much more than a pre-printed card. With a little courage and a little effort, you can make your love the happiest person in the world!

Personality Matters

Personality Matters

It is important to keep our bodies fit and be healthy.  But self-development is not limited to the outside.  Focusing on the development of your inner self is what makes your external self shine.

Mystical Meditation

Mystical Meditation

Picture yourself in a loving relationship.

You first separate yourself from the body; then you identify yourself with the mind, and then you function on the mental plane, with this fine body just as you do on this physical plane.

Through concentration, you rise above the body-consciousness; through meditation, you rise above mind; and finally through Samadhi, you realize your spiritual nature.

These are three important exercises of Antaranga sadhana in the achievements of Kaivalya, the final beautitude. You can, by mere willing alone, travel to any place you like with the astral body and there materialize by drawing the necessary elements either from Ahankara or the universal storehouse, the ocean of Tanmatras.

The process is very, very simple to occultists and Yogis who know the rationale, the detailed technique of the various operations.

Read Article…

“Ask for what you want and be prepared to get it!” Maya Angelou

Beautiful Couple AAM

WE NEED MORE LOVE IN OUR COMMUNITIES.
The Goal of African American Matchmaking:  To Help You Find a Loving Relationship!

African American Matchmaking is a company that promotes Black Love:
Advice, Inspiration and Matchmaking Services

Five Ways to Heal

 

Health, healing, and happiness, currently a global trend, is a personal commitment to yourself and your community. No matter you’re your age, we could all benefit. Healing is necessary for positive relationships.  With our collective history of family separation, enslavement, and disenfranchisement, we are at risk. Whether we know it or not, many of us need to heal from trauma first before we make a long-term, loving commitment to another.

Trauma is a response to a deeply distressing or disturbing experience.  By the time we become adults, many of us have experienced multiple traumatic events. When an outside threat is too much to manage, it can affect many areas of our lives.

Trauma is unique to each individual.  The type of psychological distress and unhealthy coping behavior can vary. Trauma can be caused by several things happening in our lives related to:  family, finances, health, relationships, natural disasters, and other activities, especially those that we feel we can’t control.

Youth are particularly vulnerable to trauma. Adolescence is a time of significant physical and psychological changes, and changing dynamics in family and peer relationships. These changes can have major effects. Trauma can affect physical heath.  For example, unresolved trauma as a child can make you sick as an adult.

We can improve our lives by healing. Healing helps you to release the trauma and move on in a positive way. Five easy ways to incorporate healing:

  • Spend more time with people who make you feel optimistic
  • Use the ocean to cleanse and restore yourself
  • Seek help in a supportive environment
  • Choose natural foods that nourish both your spirit and your body
  • Move your body through dance, exercise, and walking

 

 

 

Emotional Connection: Which Level Are You?

black-couple-bed People often confuse loneliness with isolation. When pressed, most people struggle with the difference. There are three levels of isolation. They are:

  1. People are physically separated or have minimal contact with others.
  2. People interact on a more personal level i.e. the workplace. There is a familiarity, maybe even some affection, and a common goal they share. This is also experienced in social groups, and community activities.
  3. There is real bonding and a connectedness that expresses deep love and commitment. That sense of acceptance is what all of us need as young children in order to feel whole. Most of us, however, missed that critical piece from our parents when we were young children and spend a life time yearning for it without identifying it.

Source:  Your Tango

Marry 3 People

Marriage 3 people'

You don’t marry one person,  you marry three:
1) the person you think they are
2) the person they are, and
3) the person they are going to become as a result of being married to you

Anita Baker on Dating

anita_baker2012-new-photo-wide

She may be in her 50’s and divorced, but Anita Baker still gets out to meet new single men.

The singer is among those in the American population waiting for the right companion. But she’s not the conventional type who tries to force a spark or fish for chemistry. She says it’s got to be organic.

“I meet a lot of people and you exchange energy and somebody may call you and you call someone and you develop a relationship out of a relationship, out of a friendship or a peer group,” she shares

“And then you end up having a cocktail sometime, or having a cup of coffee, and that turns into, ‘Well, call me later, ‘ ‘Well, OK, yeah, I’ll call you too!’ There is no dating. It’s very organic. And I love that. You know, nobody’s like, ‘I gotta get a date. It’s Saturday.’”

Being single isn’t far from heaven, the singer explained.

“My sons are out of the nest, you know, both of them, come September,” she states. “I’m traveling more, I’m meeting new people. I’m finding that in this stage of my life, a love life is richer. In my perspective, the people that I’m meeting, it’s not so anxious. It’s not so immediate. It’s just very relaxed.”

Anita’s eighth album, “Only Forever,” will be out soon.

Reposted from EURweb.

The Role of Money in Your Relationship

Couple counting money

Your feelings about money are relevant when you look at compatibility factors with a potential mate.  Your opinions about money are just as important as your opinions about children and sex.  Specifically, you might want to know these answers about yourself and the man or woman you are interested in:

  • How much money is enough for you?
  • What are your goals regarding income, financial success, and retirement?
  • How much do you like to spend?  How much do you like to save?
  • How important is money to you and why?
  • What is your lifestyle now and what vision do you have for lifestyle in the future?

Love Indulgence in Atlanta

LI NF

If you are looking for something new, then come share an evening with poets, singers, musicians, and indulge in something different…

If you love Poetry, Spoken Word, R&B and live instruments, then you would want to be here on March 8th, 2014. Your ticket will include food with Butler Style Catering, two complimentary drinks, a spoken word show with a live band playing soulful music, raffle prizes, free parking, a kissing booth, networking, and dancing.

Date: March 8th, 2014
Time: Doors Open at 7pm est. Show begins at 8:20p.
Location: 1710 Defoor Avenue, Atlanta.

Performers are: Karee, JaeSun the Apostle, Noel, Mimosa, Tina ATL, & Simon Stone, Butter B Rocka, Kim Joyce, Poet

Hosted by: Extremity and Berry B

Music provided by: DJ Motor City, Angelo, & CJ Baker Band

Raffles: Gift Baskets and Gift Certificates.

This is a Purple Carpet Photography event so come sharp and on your square. Please rsvp ASAP so they can order the appropriate amount of food and drinks.

This event will be filmed.  Partial proceeds will be donated to the American Heart Association.  For tickets: http://www.eventbrite.com/e/love-indulgence-tickets-9775118643.  For more info contact Extremity at: 404.403.2726 or JaeQwon at: 770.557.4245.

Finding Your Inner Peace

Couple in Sunset

Peacefulness is being calm inside.
Take time for daily reflection and gratitude.
Solve conflicts so everyone wins.
Be a peacemaker.
Peace is giving up the love of power for the power of love.
Peace in the world begins with peace in your heart.

Virtues Project