Trust & Your Three Choices

serious-black-couple

When you enter into a relationship, you take a chance that you will either break up with this person or be with them forever.  Both outcomes can be exciting and scary.  When you lose trust in your partner, you lose trust in the relationship. Then, you have three choices:

  1. Do nothing
  2. Build trust back up again
  3. Leave the relationship

Love Trust

It can help to be prepared for the outcome and understand the time it takes for something to be reborn or die.  This time is often based on your personality and the investment you made in your relationship.

Also, you can analyze your options and its impact on your life. Above all, it is useful to trust your intuition and realize that love in real life can be just as messy and unpredictable as it is kind and euphoric.

Relationship Trust

Are You an Alpha Female? 5 Ways to Tell

Black Women History

In the wild, the alpha is the one with the highest rank.  Most social animals, including humans, have identified alphas in the community to whom they pay much respect.  The king of the jungle can usually have the female of his choice, sometimes even more than one.  But what about the alpha female?

The alpha female seems to have it all-except love. You know you are an alpha female if:

  1. You are often the leader in your group; professionally, socially or both.
  2. The word “empowerment” has been in your vocabulary since birth.
  3. You have a hard time finding and keeping romantic relationships.
  4. You have been told that you or your success can be “intimidating” to men.
  5. You are a highly valued asset to your organization.

Both males and females can be alphas.  However, unlike alpha males, alpha females do not usually have an easy time finding a partner because they don’t fit traditional feminine roles.   Alpha females are often very successful and lovely, yet have a reputation for being aggressive, even domineering.  Ironically, these same traits are highly valued in alpha males.

While men are generally attracted to the alpha female, she tends to frighten them with her power.  Therefore, alpha females tend to exert the most influence among her female peers rather than with the opposite sex.  For example, many alpha females have “fans” or followers who are part of her regular social network; she leads and they follow. But we all know that alpha women need love, too!

Are alpha females “unmatchable”? Absolutely not.  We can all find our match.  In fact, when alpha males and females unite, they are known as an alpha pair, think “power couple.”  Alphas don’t have to pair with each other in order for the relationship to be rewarding, long-lasting, and successful.  In fact, this might not be ideal because some alphas will compete with each other instead of focusing on their loving union to uplift each other.

Alpha females need to be matched with someone who appreciates and genuinely respects their alpha qualities.  The relationship won’t work if he says he does, but in reality, he just doesn’t.  Alpha females should also be aware of being led (consciously or unconsciously) by the biological clock.  Alpha females don’t panic and they don’t settle.  It is important for alpha females to walk away from men who are intimidated by them and gravitate toward men who embrace alpha women.  Don’t worry, there are many!

How to Find & Choose the Right Man
BBG_Man FRONT

Mystical Meditation

Mystical Meditation

Picture yourself in a loving relationship.

You first separate yourself from the body; then you identify yourself with the mind, and then you function on the mental plane, with this fine body just as you do on this physical plane.

Through concentration, you rise above the body-consciousness; through meditation, you rise above mind; and finally through Samadhi, you realize your spiritual nature.

These are three important exercises of Antaranga sadhana in the achievements of Kaivalya, the final beautitude. You can, by mere willing alone, travel to any place you like with the astral body and there materialize by drawing the necessary elements either from Ahankara or the universal storehouse, the ocean of Tanmatras.

The process is very, very simple to occultists and Yogis who know the rationale, the detailed technique of the various operations.

Read Article…

How to Use Your Third Eye- For Dating

Third Eye

Have you ever wondered…?

The third eye (also known as the inner eye) is a mystical and esoteric concept referring to a speculative invisible eye which provides perception beyond ordinary sight. In certain dharmic spiritual traditions such as Hinduism, the third eye refers to the ajna, or brow, chakra. In Theosophy, it is related to the pineal gland. The third eye refers to the gate that leads to inner realms and spaces of higher consciousness.

In New Age spirituality, the third eye often symbolizes a state of enlightenment or the evocation of mental images having deeply personal spiritual or psychological significance. The third eye is often associated with religious visions, clairvoyance, the ability to observe chakras and auras, precognition, and out-of-body experiences. People who are claimed to have the capacity to utilize their third eyes are sometimes known as seers.

Your third eye is located between your eyes on the lower part of your forehead.  We can all learn to be seers.  For dating, you can use your third eye to:

Sense the character and intentions of someone you are interested in.

Everyone radiates a field of energy.  These vibrations can be positive (they make you feel good and safe) or negative (there is conflict, a sense of uneasiness, and even sickness).  Learning to be a seer means learning to trust your intuition above “rational” thought and being sensitive to your environment. Importantly, it also means responding to who people are, not simply responding to who people say they are.  Some questions to ask yourself:

  1. Is this someone I am really interested in or am I lonely?
  2. Do I see this person integrated into my life and us both being happy?
  3. Do I sense longevity and stability with this person?

Read more about the Third Eye.

“Ask for what you want and be prepared to get it!” Maya Angelou

Beautiful Couple AAM

WE NEED MORE LOVE IN OUR COMMUNITIES.
The Goal of African American Matchmaking:  To Help You Find a Loving Relationship!

African American Matchmaking is a company that promotes Black Love:
Advice, Inspiration and Matchmaking Services

Five Ways to Heal

 

Health, healing, and happiness, currently a global trend, is a personal commitment to yourself and your community. No matter you’re your age, we could all benefit. Healing is necessary for positive relationships.  With our collective history of family separation, enslavement, and disenfranchisement, we are at risk. Whether we know it or not, many of us need to heal from trauma first before we make a long-term, loving commitment to another.

Trauma is a response to a deeply distressing or disturbing experience.  By the time we become adults, many of us have experienced multiple traumatic events. When an outside threat is too much to manage, it can affect many areas of our lives.

Trauma is unique to each individual.  The type of psychological distress and unhealthy coping behavior can vary. Trauma can be caused by several things happening in our lives related to:  family, finances, health, relationships, natural disasters, and other activities, especially those that we feel we can’t control.

Youth are particularly vulnerable to trauma. Adolescence is a time of significant physical and psychological changes, and changing dynamics in family and peer relationships. These changes can have major effects. Trauma can affect physical heath.  For example, unresolved trauma as a child can make you sick as an adult.

We can improve our lives by healing. Healing helps you to release the trauma and move on in a positive way. Five easy ways to incorporate healing:

  • Spend more time with people who make you feel optimistic
  • Use the ocean to cleanse and restore yourself
  • Seek help in a supportive environment
  • Choose natural foods that nourish both your spirit and your body
  • Move your body through dance, exercise, and walking

 

 

 

Emotional Connection: Which Level Are You?

black-couple-bed People often confuse loneliness with isolation. When pressed, most people struggle with the difference. There are three levels of isolation. They are:

  1. People are physically separated or have minimal contact with others.
  2. People interact on a more personal level i.e. the workplace. There is a familiarity, maybe even some affection, and a common goal they share. This is also experienced in social groups, and community activities.
  3. There is real bonding and a connectedness that expresses deep love and commitment. That sense of acceptance is what all of us need as young children in order to feel whole. Most of us, however, missed that critical piece from our parents when we were young children and spend a life time yearning for it without identifying it.

Source:  Your Tango

Marry 3 People

Marriage 3 people'

You don’t marry one person,  you marry three:
1) the person you think they are
2) the person they are, and
3) the person they are going to become as a result of being married to you

Anita Baker on Dating

anita_baker2012-new-photo-wide

She may be in her 50’s and divorced, but Anita Baker still gets out to meet new single men.

The singer is among those in the American population waiting for the right companion. But she’s not the conventional type who tries to force a spark or fish for chemistry. She says it’s got to be organic.

“I meet a lot of people and you exchange energy and somebody may call you and you call someone and you develop a relationship out of a relationship, out of a friendship or a peer group,” she shares

“And then you end up having a cocktail sometime, or having a cup of coffee, and that turns into, ‘Well, call me later, ‘ ‘Well, OK, yeah, I’ll call you too!’ There is no dating. It’s very organic. And I love that. You know, nobody’s like, ‘I gotta get a date. It’s Saturday.’”

Being single isn’t far from heaven, the singer explained.

“My sons are out of the nest, you know, both of them, come September,” she states. “I’m traveling more, I’m meeting new people. I’m finding that in this stage of my life, a love life is richer. In my perspective, the people that I’m meeting, it’s not so anxious. It’s not so immediate. It’s just very relaxed.”

Anita’s eighth album, “Only Forever,” will be out soon.

Reposted from EURweb.

Why Some Men Fear A “Church” Woman

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There’s a certain stigma attached to what I call a “churchy” woman. In other words, we’d call this person an over the top fanatic. The stigma is that a churchy woman isn’t fun. That she is uptight. She could possibly be bitter. Lastly a guy might also think that he couldn’t ever get any buns with you while dating. That’s a real concern for many.  All of the above could absolutely be untrue.  In  fact, Dr. J touched on a similar subject here. You could be a woman that’s into everything equally. You just have to show that.

Men are very lighthearted people.

We dream of a woman we can just be easy with. It’s why we dream of the impossible woman that’ll never stress us. Since we know we can’t have that we look for the lady who stresses us the least. In turn that woman should be who we have the most fun with. Now there may be men reading this who say “I need me a God-fearing woman!” I’m not saying that there’s anything wrong with that. Whoever we decide to share our lives with needs to be in sync with our beliefs. I will say that if you want your girl solely preaching all the time then you’re in the minority. If you want a woman who doesn’t like to have fun you’re in the minority.

I’m just looking to help. If there are any single religious ladies reading this, know that I want you to be encouraged. If you’re heavy in church and what not it’s fine. Ease us into that side of you. You have got to snag us with your personality. You have to exemplify balance. To the ladies who are religious but don’t bombard someone with your beliefs initially, you’re appreciated. In fact, I would like to know your levels of success in dating. Because in a guy’s mind, if all your Instagram posts are Bible verses, then he’ll likely think that’s all you have to talk about.

If  your statuses harken that you need no man then it’ll turn us off. That’s the last thing we want ladies. We have got to see some balance in who you are. Balance in your interests. Guys may take your expression of spirituality the wrong way. It could come off as if you don’t want to find that happiness with someone. Guys hate feeling not needed. It’s a substantial reason why a man may have reservations for a “church woman. There’s no need to ever change your faith. There’s no need  for a guy to influence how you praise or anything. But upon meeting someone, I believe easing someone into who you are in that realm would do you more good than harm.

To my fellas, do you agree with my sentiment? Are there any ladies who think they’ve scared men off this way? Well let’s get into it.

Reblogged from www.singleblackmale.org, SOURCE

Related Article: Why Men Don’t Go to Church

The Role of Money in Your Relationship

Couple counting money

Your feelings about money are relevant when you look at compatibility factors with a potential mate.  Your opinions about money are just as important as your opinions about children and sex.  Specifically, you might want to know these answers about yourself and the man or woman you are interested in:

  • How much money is enough for you?
  • What are your goals regarding income, financial success, and retirement?
  • How much do you like to spend?  How much do you like to save?
  • How important is money to you and why?
  • What is your lifestyle now and what vision do you have for lifestyle in the future?

Love Indulgence in Atlanta

LI NF

If you are looking for something new, then come share an evening with poets, singers, musicians, and indulge in something different…

If you love Poetry, Spoken Word, R&B and live instruments, then you would want to be here on March 8th, 2014. Your ticket will include food with Butler Style Catering, two complimentary drinks, a spoken word show with a live band playing soulful music, raffle prizes, free parking, a kissing booth, networking, and dancing.

Date: March 8th, 2014
Time: Doors Open at 7pm est. Show begins at 8:20p.
Location: 1710 Defoor Avenue, Atlanta.

Performers are: Karee, JaeSun the Apostle, Noel, Mimosa, Tina ATL, & Simon Stone, Butter B Rocka, Kim Joyce, Poet

Hosted by: Extremity and Berry B

Music provided by: DJ Motor City, Angelo, & CJ Baker Band

Raffles: Gift Baskets and Gift Certificates.

This is a Purple Carpet Photography event so come sharp and on your square. Please rsvp ASAP so they can order the appropriate amount of food and drinks.

This event will be filmed.  Partial proceeds will be donated to the American Heart Association.  For tickets: http://www.eventbrite.com/e/love-indulgence-tickets-9775118643.  For more info contact Extremity at: 404.403.2726 or JaeQwon at: 770.557.4245.

Finding Your Inner Peace

Couple in Sunset

Peacefulness is being calm inside.
Take time for daily reflection and gratitude.
Solve conflicts so everyone wins.
Be a peacemaker.
Peace is giving up the love of power for the power of love.
Peace in the world begins with peace in your heart.

Virtues Project

Benefits of Counseling & Therapy For African Americans

By Amir Figueroa

African American TherapySilence, stigma, discrimination and shame shroud many things in the Black community; particularly, mental health awareness. I know I like to handle things myself. After all, who knows you better than yourself? However, there is nothing like having an unbiased, open ear to the story of your life. There is power in utilizing the services of individual, couples, and family counseling.

Silence can be quite harmful to any individual or group. There are countless stories that have been revealed about women, men, boys, and girls who have experienced abuse, sexual assault, extreme depression, life threatening illnesses, and many other things that can often go unnoticed. Not addressing it can lead to even greater consequences. It doesn’t always have to end in death, but can also be a lifetime of pain.

The National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) reported, “African Americans tend to rely on family, religious and social communities for emotional support rather than turning to health care professionals, even though this may at times be necessary.” It’s great to have honest family and friends who can keep it real with you, but an unbiased opinion from someone who has professional experience dealing with mental health issues can be incredibly rewarding. It is reassuring to see change within your lifetime. For example, I am proud to be a member of an African American Baptist church in Harlem, NYC that has a counselor on staff, offering their services for free.

In relationships, we often bring our own baggage, heartache, scars, and secrets. Take for example, a guy who, when in a relationship, has other women on the side. Some may say he likes to have his cake and eat it too, but on a deeper level he could have issues with loneliness or abandonment. Woman after woman could label him as a dog, but it takes a concerned woman to recommend counseling. The follow through comes with the man actually committing to it, and realizing that the loneliness and abandonment issues may stem from the loss of his father at such a young age. We have to be available as family, friends, and partners to come from a place of love. Leave judgment to the court rooms. We have to listen twice as much as we speak and lead with compassion.

For more information, a great place to start is the National Institute of Mental Health (www.nimh.nih.gov). State and local resources will vary, but they are available.

Has a therapist or counselor helped with your own relationships?

Read the full article at singleblackmale.org.

Which One to Choose? A 7-Step Guide

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Sometimes, if we are lucky, we get to choose between two potential partners for us.  This makes sense because there are millions of people in the world and we are compatible with many.  There is great potential to be happy with more than one person in our lifetime, but when it comes to exclusivity in our relationship, we typically choose one person to focus our loving attention on.

Because our love energy and attention is going to be shared with this one particular person, s/he should be very special and offer us the type of relationship that we truly desire.  This quick guide can help you make your decision about which one to choose:

  1. Write a list of what you like and dislike about each potential partner.  Compare the lists, but also star the qualities that are most important to you.
  2. Communicate with your special someone to find out if s/he has a vision for your future together.  Your potential partner may not have a shared vision and this is important for you to know, too.  If both potential partners have shared visions of a future together, which future is most attractive to you?
  3. Ask yourself:  which one do you see yourself growing old with grace, dignity, and bonded closeness?
  4. Ask yourself:  which one will take better care of you when you are sick?
  5. Compare the fun factor for both potential partners.  Which one makes you laugh?
  6. Communication is important.  Which partner can you talk with most easily and share your innermost thoughts and feelings?
  7. Ask yourself:  which one is the one you would most want your son or daughter to marry?

No Valentine? No Worry! 5 Tips

A Life Lived in LoveHow can you enjoy your Valentine’s Day with no mate?  Focus on yourself and what you need to do to make progress toward your love goal.  Specifically:

  1. Think about what you have and all of your abundant blessings.  Chances are, you did not get these overnight and you worked hard over a period of time.
  2. Maintain a positive outlook on love.
  3. Know that Valentine’s Day is just one day out of the calendar year.
  4. Treat  yourself and those you love well on this day and everyday.
  5. Know that even those with partners often get disappointed on this day–manage your expectations!

The Poetry She Instilled in Me

The Poetry She Instilled in MeBy Techelet S. Jean

The story is really about how a woman can become the inspiration in your life and deeply inspire, push you to be at the fullest potential. I truly believe that women have been one of the greatest motivators throughout humanity. When she is great, she will sharpen and straighten you up to be better, stronger, tougher in unimaginable ways.

Ultimately, that lady can be your mother, grandmother, muse, or lover. As men, we soulfully search for that kind of connection with that special female who is going to challenge, change our lives for the ultimate purpose and adventure.

What is Intimacy?

Couple in TubIntimacy means more than a physical, sexual act.  It is a closeness, a bond that is felt past the sensory level to the heart chakra or soul level. Ironically, you can have intimacy without having sex and sex without intimacy.

According to the University of Florida’s Counseling & Wellness Center, “Intimacy is a process – not a thing. It takes place over time and is not stagnant. In fact, any kind of stagnation in a relationship kills intimacy. Intimacy can also take many forms.”

Different forms of intimacy include:

  • Cognitive/Intellectual
  • Experiential
  • Emotional
  • Sexual

Since different people respond to different forms and levels of intimacy, it is important for partners to take the time to get to know each other first.  Knowing and understanding each other by sharing time, opinions, ideas, emotions, experiences, and physical space builds all types of intimacy.

For  more information, visit the University of Florida site.

The Fragrance of Love

Fragrance Scents
Love and senses go hand-in-hand.  Flowery fragrances are sweet, sensual and romantic. These scents promote the mood of love and beauty, penetrating and infusing the spirit.  Try these scents as we prepare for the national Valentine’s Day observance:

  1. Cinnamon
  2. Clove
  3. Sandalwood
  4. Patchouli
  5. Geranium
  6. Vanilla
  7. Honey
  8. Orange
  9. Lime
  10. Rose

Healthy Habits of Happy Couples

Couple on the beachWhat does it take to be happy in a relationship? Psychology Today reports the 10 habits of happy couples:

1. Go to bed at the same time. Happy couples go to bed at the same time, even if one partner wakes up later to do things while their partner sleeps. And when their skins touch it still causes each of them to tingle and unless one or both are completely exhausted to feel sexually excited.

2. Cultivate common interests.   If common interests are not present, happy couples develop them. At the same time, be sure to cultivate interests of your own; this will make you more interesting to your mate and prevent you from appearing too dependent.

3. Walk hand in hand or side by side.  Rather than one partner lagging or dragging behind the other, happy couples know it’s more important to be with their partner than to see the sights along the way.

4. Make trust and forgiveness your default mode. If and when they have a disagreement or argument, and if they can’t resolve it, happy couples default to trusting and forgiving rather than distrusting and begrudging.

5. Focus more on what your partner does right than what he or she does wrong. If you look for things your partner does wrong, you can always find something. If you look for what he or she does right, you can always find something, too. Happy couples accentuate the positive.

6. Hug each other as soon as you see each other after work. Our skin has a memory of “good touch” (loved), “bad touch” (abused) and “no touch” (neglected). Couples who say hello with a hug keep their skin bathed in the “good touch,” which can inoculate your spirit against anonymity in the world.

7. Say “I love you” and “Have a good day” every morning.  This is a great way to buy some patience and tolerance as each partner sets out each day to battle traffic jams, long lines and other annoyances.

8. Say “Good night” every night, regardless of how you feel. This tells your partner that, regardless of how upset you are with him or her, you still want to be in the relationship. It says that what you and your partner have is bigger than any single upsetting incident.

9. Do a “weather” check during the day. Call your partner at home or at work to see how his or her day is going. This is a great way to adjust expectations so that you’re more in sync when you connect after work.

10. Be proud to be seen with your partner. Happy couples are pleased to be seen together and are often in some kind of affectionate contact — hand on hand or hand on shoulder or knee or back of neck. They are not showing off but rather just saying that they belong with each other.

Read the entire article HERE.