One More Reason Why Sharing Body Fluids Requires Time & Trust

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When disease hits, it seems to hit people of African descent especially hard.  The recent Ebola health crisis spreading from West Africa is no exception.  From Guinea, Liberia, Sierra Leone, Senegal, and Nigeria to Spain, France, and Germany to the United States, Ebola is proof that what happens in the Motherland is relevant to us all.  In this case (and history can show us other cases), people of African descent are infected and die in larger numbers.

Viruses can be spread by bodily fluids, but some viruses like the flu, are airborne.  Bodily fluids include blood, urine, and saliva, but also include lymphatic fluid, semen, female ejaculate, breast milk, bile, amniotic fluid, bile, feces, sweat, tears, vomit, and the list goes on!

Disclaimer:  I am not a medical doctor nor do I claim to be one.  I am a matchmaker and I want us to be safe and healthy in pursuit of loving relationships with each other.

Just as you might screen a potential for sexually transmitted infections such as gonorrhea, chlamydia, syphilis, herpes, and HIV/AIDS, the U.S. government is struggling to create legal, non-offensive methods to screen for current health concerns like Ebola.   What we thought was safe before is now questionable behavior.  If you are single and dating new people, you need to think about this, too.

People don’t always show outward signs of disease and even if they do, you might miss it or mistake it for something else.  In addition: 1) they often lie about an infection, 2) they do not realize that they have an infection, 3) they know they are infected but don’t think that they are contagious,  4) they are in denial about their medical condition, or 5) they just don’t care.

Despite community-based prevention efforts, African American women continue to be the group most infected by HIV/AIDS.  Did you know that, according to the Centers for Disease Control (CDC), one out of every six people aged 14 to 49 years has genital herpes?  FYI: there is no cure for HIVAIDS or herpes.

Health workers often talk about physical protection, for example, condoms, protective gear, etc. But we know that harm reduction techniques can fail, and sometimes do. With new diseases, it can be trial and error with a deadly learning curve. What are we to do?

It is advisable to establish a foundation of trust before sharing in a physically intimate way.  This takes time.  This dating advice is not anything new.  However, in this era, time and trust is becoming not just a strategy to keep your standards high and protect some of your most precious assets; it can also be a matter sickness, quarantine, life and death.

Trustworthiness

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Trustworthiness is being worthy of trust.  People can count on you to do your best, to keep your word, and to follow through on your commitments.  You do what you say you will do.  Trustworthiness is a key to success in anything you do.

You are practicing trustworthiness when you …

* Think before you  make a promise to be sure you can do it.

*  Take responsibility for remembering your commitments.

*  Keep your promises even when they become hard to do.

*  Abide by the rules even when no one is watching.

*  Let nothing stop you from keeping your word.

*  Do your best and finish what you start.

Affirmation:  I am trustworthy.  I keep my word.  I am worthy of the trust others place in me.

Source:  The Virtues Project and The Family Connection, U.S. Virgin Islands

We Need More Love in Our Communities: 10 Reasons

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  1. Love helps us heal.
  2. Love relieves stress.
  3. Love lowers your blood pressure.
  4. Love helps you be more giving to others.
  5. Giving love helps you receive love.
  6. Love boosts immunity to disease.
  7. Love cures love deprivation.
  8. Love boosts confidence and self-esteem.
  9. Love increases quality of life.
  10. Love helps you live longer.

Add your own reasons with your comments below:

I Ain’t Movin’

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I Ain’t Movin’
Performed by Des’ree

Love is my passion, love is my friend
Love’s universal, love never ends
Then why am I faced with so much anger, so my pain?
Why should I hide? Why should I be ashamed?
Time’s much too short to be livin’, somebody else’s life
I walk with dignity, I step with pride
‘Cause I ain’t moving from my face, from my race, from my history
I ain’t movin’ from my love, my peaceful dove, means too much to me
And loving self can be so hard, honesty can be demanding
Learn to love yourself it’s a great, great feeling
When you’re down baby, I will set you free
I will be your remedy, I will be your tree
A wise man is clever, seldom ever speaks a word
A foolish man keeps talking, never is he heard, no no no no
Time’s much too short to be livin’, somebody else’s life
I walk with dignity, I step with pride
‘Cause I ain’t moving from my face, from my race, from my history
I ain’t movin’ from my love, my peaceful dove, means too much to me
And loving self can be so hard, honesty can be demanding
Learn to love yourself it’s a great, great feeling
Time’s too lonely, too lonely without words
Future voices need to be heard
Eyebrows are always older than the beards
Momma said be brave, you’ve nothing to fear and I, ooh
Time’s much too short to be livin’, somebody else’s life
I walk with dignity, I step with pride
‘Cause I ain’t moving from my face, from my race, from my history
I ain’t movin’ from my love, my peaceful dove, means too much to me
And loving self can be so hard, honesty can be demanding
Learn to love yourself it’s a great, great feeling
‘Cause I ain’t moving from my face, from my race, from my history
I ain’t movin’ from my love, my peaceful dove, means too much to me
And loving self can be so hard, honesty can be demanding
If we learn to love ourself we’ll have great, great feeling
‘Cause I ain’t movin’, I’ve been here long before
I ain’t movin’ ’cause I want more
I ain’t movin’, got my feet on the ground, hey
As far as I’m concerned, love should win the rounds, oh yeah

Top 3 Communication Tips

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  1. Listen more than you speak.  Resist urges to interrupt or respond with blunt facts, brilliantly sharp wit or sarcasm.
  2. Let him/her go.  In more extreme circumstances, things can get heated.  If s/he has to leave a situation when it gets to be too much, let him/her leave.  By checking out, s/he is getting some space to think things through.  Honor this need for space.  S/he probably needs it and will be in a better position to talk later.  Note: This works both ways and both of you should give each other the same consideration, but this should be an exceptionally occurence, not a regular coping mechanism.
  3. Seek wisdom.  Whether it is from a family member, friend, or counselor:  find someone WHO DOESN’T TAKE SIDES for advice and support when things get tough.  This person may act as a helpful mediator, if needed.

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