Cultivating Love

Couple-Watching-TV

Cultivation theory may be helpful to understand the lack of positive Black love images in conventional media like television:

“My area of study is communications, in particular, media and interpersonal theory…  Cultivation theory speaks to the media’s influence on developing the viewers’ perspective of what they are watching on television. Cultivation theory says that television has become the main source of storytelling in today’s society. Cultivation theory states that high frequency viewers of television are more susceptible to media messages and the belief that they are real and valid.

The other two theories, agenda-setting and framing, build the context in which cultivation theory works. By setting an agenda, media can identify attributes that influence public (viewer) perception and then constructs a frame that pushes the agenda and uses cultivation theory to deliver the visual context that work to satisfy the agenda. So in other words, agenda-setting establishes the agenda, framing theory tells us what to think about what we think, and cultivation theory is the cement that pulls it all together.”  David Barney, M.S./M.A.

There’s Something About You

Laughing Couple

There’s SOMETHING About YOU!
There’s SOMETHING about YOU that makes me smile.
There’s SOMETHING about YOU that makes me want to get close to you.
There’s SOMETHING about YOU that makes me think we could do great things together.
There’s SOMETHING about YOU that makes me thinks you are PERFECT just the way you are.
There’s SOMETHING about YOU that makes me think we were MADE for each other.
There’s SOMETHING about YOU that makes me think I want to spend the REST of my life with YOU.
There’s SOMETHING about YOU that makes me think we will travel the WORLD together.
There’s SOMETHING about YOU that makes me think your FLAWS are FLAWLESS.
There’s SOMETHING about YOU that makes me think that HAPPILY EVER AFTER exists.
There’s SOMETHING about YOU that makes me think about the WILD ADVENTURES we will partake in.
There’s SOMETHING about YOU that makes me think that you REALLY like me by the way you LOOK at me.
There’s SOMETHING about YOU that makes me think you are REALLY INTO ME by the amount of time we SPEND together.
There’s SOMETHING about YOU that makes me think you are PROUD of me by the way you INTRODUCE me to everyone you KNOW as your WOMAN.
There’s SOMETHING about YOU that makes me think that you CHERISH me by the way you do little sweet things for me that make me smile.
There’s SOMETHING about YOU that makes me think YOU love me because you say it at the right moments and when I need to hear it.
There’s SOMETHING about YOU that makes me think my SEARCH is over.
Why do we fall in LOVE? We fall in love because of the way a person makes us FEEL.

Source:  Gant, Charyn ; M., Dahmenah (2012-03-26). The Game Changers: How To Date Men in the 21st Century.

Real Black Talk

WRBT

African American Matchmaker, Angela D. Coleman, discusses love and
realtionships on Real Black Talk  Saturday, July 6, 2013 from 11pm EST.

Are You a Desperate Dater?

Couple at Party

While both men and women can be desperate daters,  Charyn Gant  and Dahmenah M., give specific advice to women in their book, The Game Changers: How To Date Men in the 21st Century They state:

It could be that Desperate Dating behaviors are creating your loss of POWER.   Let’s talk about the word desperate.   Definition of “desperate”:

  1. Reckless or dangerous because of despair or urgency.
  2. Having an urgent need, desire, etc.
  3. Extreme or excessive.
  4. Having no hope; giving into despair.

1. Given a man your body without truly knowing who he was as a person?
2. Ever let a man you really don’t know, who has never taken you out on a date; constantly come over to your home to have sex, then leave?
3. Dated a man that cannot commit to you because he’s committed to another?
4. Dated a man that cannot take care of himself so you take care of him?
5. Dated or continue to date a man that was/ is physically, mentally and emotionally abusive to you?
6. Continually dated a man that you have caught in several lies because you believe you really like/ love him?
7. Have you ever been afraid to tell a man what you are looking for in a partner/ mate/ lover/ husband?
8. Chosen a man out of desperation or fear of being alone?
9. Rationalized away or made excuses for his negative behaviors instead of trusting your instincts?
10. Chased men instead of allowing a man to chase or court you?

If you answered “Yes” to 3 or more questions, you ARE a “Desperate Dater.”   The reason why it’s necessary for you to find out if you are a “Desperate Dater” is because with self-awareness comes change and with change comes a better life.

Remember:  men can answer these questions and be desperate daters, too! And nobody, male or female, likes a date someone who is desperate. Remind yourself of Earth’s abundance and keep faith in Black love.

 Source:  Gant, Charyn ; M., Dahmenah (2012-03-26). The Game Changers: How To Date Men in the 21st Century.