For Many of Us, the First Step to Love is Healing

Nice Looking Couple

Common responses to trauma include increased anxiety, emotional detachment, and addictive behaviors such as alcohol, drugs, sex, overeating, gambling, shopping, etc. Things that remind a person of a traumatic event can trigger avoidance symptoms. These symptoms may cause a person to change his or her personal routine. Have any of these behaviors replaced love in your life?

You don’t have to be trapped by your history. Human beings are amazingly resilient; we can heal ourselves. Healing is the restoration of health, soundness and spiritual wholeness. It is a reconciliation of the past and present for a brighter tomorrow.

The most effective way to heal is to do it together. The first step is to start with self-love—love the person you are. Healing with your family, friends, and/or significant others who are also conscious enough to be on a path toward collective recovery and love is also important and immensely helpful. Remember that you must first love yourself in order to be able to love others. Your healing begins on the inside; so, don’t be afraid to surround yourself with love on the outside.

We heal when we put love first. We heal when we prioritize ourselves. We heal when we master the art of LETTING GO of the past to honor the gifts of the present and move forward toward a wiser, more positive future.

Excerpt from Black Girls Guide:  How to Find & Choose the Right Man

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“No Matter How Long the Night, the Day is Sure to Come.” African Proverb

Young Couple in Love (Small)

WE NEED MORE LOVE IN OUR COMMUNITIES.
The Goal of African American Matchmaking:  To Help You Find a Loving Relationship!

African American Matchmaking is a company that promotes Black Love:
Advice, Inspiration and Matchmaking Services

Dating Naked, Black & Afraid

Dating Naked

There is no dating justice for Justice in Dating Naked

I don’t watch a lot of shows on television, preferring independent films and Netflix binges to cable. However, the reality show Dating Naked, caught my attention.  Not just because it is yet another show featuring naked people, but because the concept of a potential couple meeting for the first time without clothing is intriguing to me as a matchmaker.

Nudity renders most people vulnerable , literally and figuratively open and stripped of masks and illusions. In theory, it could be the most authentic search for true love, free and fun times.  No pretenses, no hiding, no clothes.  This is where the show has the potential to shine.

In this “radical dating experiment,” it looks like there is some real matchmaking here. At least one of dates appear to be a real potential match that is consistent with what the other is looking for. This rarely happens coincidentally, but is the result of care, research, and good planning.  Interestingly, a nude wedding is scheduled to air this month featuring a couple that first met on the show.

Nudity is raw and for some, emotionally powerful.  One of the women on the show had such a hard time being naked that she eventually left the exotic island where the show is filmed.  Nudity and fear, it seems, go hand in hand. Others can’t seem to move past their lust by associating nudity with sexual availability.  These daters tend to be promiscuous!

The titillating nature of nudity is not lost on me.  As a dating show, I look for the show’s relevance for Black love. For African Americans, the show may as well be called Dating Naked, Black & Afraid because most people are generally uncomfortable being nude and even more uncomfortable being nude and matched with Black people for a date.  Understandably, they feel more at ease around each other.  African Americans often feel the same way.

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Typical line-up of daters with their clothed host on Dating Naked

Defying United States demographics and reality, the lack of diversity in both ethnicity and body type, is obvious.  Importantly, the inhabitants of this remote island are rendered even more invisible than Black people–I only saw two brothers and one sister featured on the show and we never see a local resident of the island on camera.

Like most dating and matchmaking shows, this one is clearly not created for the benefit of African Americans. Black people are rarely featured and when they are, they are treated like novelty items, “the first Black girl” and “first Black guy I’ve ever dated.”  White daters fail to “connect” with them, most likely because they are completely incompatible in other ways besides race.

Black daters are stereotyped:  a young Black man is described as “well-hung” and there were a variety of camera angles fixated on the behind of the only young Black woman dater I saw on the show. None of African American daters were picked to develop relationships at the end of the show, likely resulting in feelings of rejection and/or public humiliation for them.

Perhaps most importantly, unlike their White peers, Black people on Dating Naked are not coupled with each other! To my knowledge, no Black man and woman have been in the same show so that they can date.  This would easily resolve the show’s race problem  and make it more interesting.

In conclusion, Dating Naked is entertaining, but at best, woefully ignorant of the vast majority of people’s dating preferences to date within their own ethnic group; they give this option to White daters, but not to Black daters.  At worst, it is purposeful and deliberate sabotage of Black love in favor of another agenda.

Five Ways to Heal

 

Health, healing, and happiness, currently a global trend, is a personal commitment to yourself and your community. No matter you’re your age, we could all benefit. Healing is necessary for positive relationships.  With our collective history of family separation, enslavement, and disenfranchisement, we are at risk. Whether we know it or not, many of us need to heal from trauma first before we make a long-term, loving commitment to another.

Trauma is a response to a deeply distressing or disturbing experience.  By the time we become adults, many of us have experienced multiple traumatic events. When an outside threat is too much to manage, it can affect many areas of our lives.

Trauma is unique to each individual.  The type of psychological distress and unhealthy coping behavior can vary. Trauma can be caused by several things happening in our lives related to:  family, finances, health, relationships, natural disasters, and other activities, especially those that we feel we can’t control.

Youth are particularly vulnerable to trauma. Adolescence is a time of significant physical and psychological changes, and changing dynamics in family and peer relationships. These changes can have major effects. Trauma can affect physical heath.  For example, unresolved trauma as a child can make you sick as an adult.

We can improve our lives by healing. Healing helps you to release the trauma and move on in a positive way. Five easy ways to incorporate healing:

  • Spend more time with people who make you feel optimistic
  • Use the ocean to cleanse and restore yourself
  • Seek help in a supportive environment
  • Choose natural foods that nourish both your spirit and your body
  • Move your body through dance, exercise, and walking

 

 

 

Dramatic Events & Unbelievable Changes Of The Year 2013

BEautiful Forest Sky

Sofia Siberia says:

The things we’ve been so painfully going through for the past few months were all the effects of a massive karmic changeover of the year 2013.

The History is now.

Look back at your life and lives of the people you know – how many speedy changes and incredible events had happened just recently.

Striking number of relationships and marriages split.

Couples suddenly fell out of love with one another, as if woke up and found it all worked out.

We are no more interested in drama/manipulative affairs and are letting them go with no regret.

Why so many marriages ended and people in relationships had a sudden change of heart?

That’s because those were some karmic affairs where you were brought together not to live happily ever after, but to return each other something you owed from the past.

The person you thought you loved was just your karmic decoy, we all have to go through involvements of that kind at some point of our life.

And now that we settled accounts, it’s time to ascend to the newer kind of relations – of no drama, no emotional manipulation and no cliché expectations or power struggles.

Now we are shifting towards the trend of finding our true spiritual partners and the interest in Twin Flames reunion is intense.

In the new era of spiritual matchmaking there are no more ego things we’ll feel like proving to each other. Now we can actually feel our soulmates keener – be in a couple or not, and still love and help each other evolve and not bring each other down.

Read more…

Are You “Damaged Goods”?

Give Yourself Time to Heal

To a large extent, most of us are “damaged goods,” meaning we had experiences that have scarred us and still affect us today.  Take time to heal.

When you work on your healing, you allow yourself to be an imperfectly glorious being.  This is the key to self-acceptance, which increases feelings of self-worth and self-esteem.  Of course, this makes you a better person, but also a better partner.

While we all have our issues, we continue to deserve love and respect.  There are plenty of loving unions that consist of people who are both consciously and consistently working on themselves.  If you want to attract a healthy and whole partner, you must be that which you seek.