“A man wants peace in his house and in his relationships. Intimacy is important, too. However without peace, intimacy becomes a challenge and that is when the man’s mind and eyes start to wander. In the spirit of keeping it real, if a woman of any age desires to have and build a relationship with a good man, be prepared to listen and hear/see/feel/ your man. Once you commit to doing that, a good (and intelligent) man will do all that he can to fulfill all of your needs and desires. It’s really that simple.”
Harold “Heru” Williams
Being in love gives us a natural high. It has now been confirmed that being in love relieves pain in a way that is as powerful as morphine. In a recent Stanford University study, 15 study participants were asked to hold a temperature probe while looking at a picture of their lovers. The participants who looked at someone they were in love with had a 45% reduction in their perception of moderate pain and a 12% reduction in their feeling of severe pain.
At African American Matchmaking, we don’t buy into the commonly held notion that there are no good Black men. But just like a good Black woman is hard to find, good Black men can be hard to find, too.
Statistics are arguable a source of enlightenment. Rather than react in fear, we can respond with strategy. We have to be smart and being smart means being selective, screening appropriately to find a partner who is right for you.
From Best Black Dating Sites (reprinted with permission):
“Where are all the good single Black men?” can be frequently heard throughout the dating scene. At BestBlackDatingSites.org, we decided to investigate this by the numbers and put into perspective how many quality Black male singles there really are for Black single women.
Let’s start by looking at some common criteria single Black women are looking for in a Black man, and how many Black men qualify based on those requirements.
I WANT A BLACK MAN
According to the U.S. Census Bureau, the ratio of women to men in the U.S. is about 145 million women to roughly 139 million men. In more manageable terms—for every 100 sistas, there are about 87 brothas.
I WANT A BLACK MAN WHO DOESN’T LIKE OTHER MEN
4% of men are exclusively homosexual, compared to 2% of women. Thus, there are NET 2% fewer straight men for every straight woman due to sexual preference. Interesting fact: When surveyed, the average American believes 20% of Americans are homosexuals. Actual studies put the range between 3-12%.
I WANT A MAN WHO IS INTERESTED IN ME, A BLACK WOMAN
70% of interracial relationships are comprised of Black men dating White women. 8.5% of Black men are married to White women.
I WANT A MAN WHO HAS NOT BEEN IN JAIL
Read more at the source…
Dear Black Man,
Don’t you know that I want to love you. I want my love to be your love. I know that they tell me that there aren’t enough of you out there for me to love, but that’s never been my vision nor reality. I know that they tell me you don’t have the education that I have, but I know to the contrary.
For years I have told you, that “I got this. I don’t need your help.” But today, with my advance degrees, robust portfolio and home full of the best furnishings, I realize, Black Man, I need you.
No, I am not afraid to say this. I want and need you. I need you like the ocean needs its beaches. Miles of sand that lead love hand in hand to the water. Water, that we need to sustain life.
I need you in my life, I need you in my laughter. I want you to protect me from my fears. My Daddy wants to still protect me, but he also knows that this is your job to do…he’s told me this before.
Now they want to tell me that it’s partly my fault. They tell me that I ask far too much of my Black Man. “Why must this Man that you ask for have education?” and “Why must this Black Man have ambition and drive?” This is what they inquire. They ask me these questions as if you don’t exist. As if you are extinct. But I know to the contrary.
Not only do you exist, you flourish. Your ability to grow and achieve inspite of your conditions is your best attribute. Yes, I want the best and greatest from you, because I know that within you, it exists.
Black Man, I love you. I want you. I need you. But do know this Black Man, I’ll expect nothing but the best from you. You shouldn’t want it any other way. I love you, but I love me too. I’ll never succumb my condition for yours. Why would you want me to?
Come to me with your frustrations of the day, I’ll ease them away with the softest touch to your brow; the most tender touch, indeed. I’ll massage the evening away in your shoulders. And I’ll be quiet tonight, because I know you need touch not words. I’ll let that project that you’ve been promising to get to, wait until next week. I’ll contain my fright when I see the “Daddy-long-legs” in the basement; because I know that tonight is not the night. Your worries have been intense today, and because of that, the centipede gets a couple more days of freedom and life.
I am here for you on your WORST days, but promise me, that you won’t leave me on your BEST ones. If we can make that pact with each other, I guarantee you that you have a deal. I will love you Black Man, no matter what they tell me. I know what I want and need. I want and need, you, Black Man- contrary to popular belief.
The Black Woman
Richelle R. Ransom