Why Some Men Fear A “Church” Woman

XX 0225-DIARYJP-B_MOVIES

There’s a certain stigma attached to what I call a “churchy” woman. In other words, we’d call this person an over the top fanatic. The stigma is that a churchy woman isn’t fun. That she is uptight. She could possibly be bitter. Lastly a guy might also think that he couldn’t ever get any buns with you while dating. That’s a real concern for many.  All of the above could absolutely be untrue.  In  fact, Dr. J touched on a similar subject here. You could be a woman that’s into everything equally. You just have to show that.

Men are very lighthearted people.

We dream of a woman we can just be easy with. It’s why we dream of the impossible woman that’ll never stress us. Since we know we can’t have that we look for the lady who stresses us the least. In turn that woman should be who we have the most fun with. Now there may be men reading this who say “I need me a God-fearing woman!” I’m not saying that there’s anything wrong with that. Whoever we decide to share our lives with needs to be in sync with our beliefs. I will say that if you want your girl solely preaching all the time then you’re in the minority. If you want a woman who doesn’t like to have fun you’re in the minority.

I’m just looking to help. If there are any single religious ladies reading this, know that I want you to be encouraged. If you’re heavy in church and what not it’s fine. Ease us into that side of you. You have got to snag us with your personality. You have to exemplify balance. To the ladies who are religious but don’t bombard someone with your beliefs initially, you’re appreciated. In fact, I would like to know your levels of success in dating. Because in a guy’s mind, if all your Instagram posts are Bible verses, then he’ll likely think that’s all you have to talk about.

If  your statuses harken that you need no man then it’ll turn us off. That’s the last thing we want ladies. We have got to see some balance in who you are. Balance in your interests. Guys may take your expression of spirituality the wrong way. It could come off as if you don’t want to find that happiness with someone. Guys hate feeling not needed. It’s a substantial reason why a man may have reservations for a “church woman. There’s no need to ever change your faith. There’s no need  for a guy to influence how you praise or anything. But upon meeting someone, I believe easing someone into who you are in that realm would do you more good than harm.

To my fellas, do you agree with my sentiment? Are there any ladies who think they’ve scared men off this way? Well let’s get into it.

Reblogged from www.singleblackmale.org, SOURCE

Related Article: Why Men Don’t Go to Church

The Role of Money in Your Relationship

Couple counting money

Your feelings about money are relevant when you look at compatibility factors with a potential mate.  Your opinions about money are just as important as your opinions about children and sex.  Specifically, you might want to know these answers about yourself and the man or woman you are interested in:

  • How much money is enough for you?
  • What are your goals regarding income, financial success, and retirement?
  • How much do you like to spend?  How much do you like to save?
  • How important is money to you and why?
  • What is your lifestyle now and what vision do you have for lifestyle in the future?

Benefits of Counseling & Therapy For African Americans

By Amir Figueroa

African American TherapySilence, stigma, discrimination and shame shroud many things in the Black community; particularly, mental health awareness. I know I like to handle things myself. After all, who knows you better than yourself? However, there is nothing like having an unbiased, open ear to the story of your life. There is power in utilizing the services of individual, couples, and family counseling.

Silence can be quite harmful to any individual or group. There are countless stories that have been revealed about women, men, boys, and girls who have experienced abuse, sexual assault, extreme depression, life threatening illnesses, and many other things that can often go unnoticed. Not addressing it can lead to even greater consequences. It doesn’t always have to end in death, but can also be a lifetime of pain.

The National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) reported, “African Americans tend to rely on family, religious and social communities for emotional support rather than turning to health care professionals, even though this may at times be necessary.” It’s great to have honest family and friends who can keep it real with you, but an unbiased opinion from someone who has professional experience dealing with mental health issues can be incredibly rewarding. It is reassuring to see change within your lifetime. For example, I am proud to be a member of an African American Baptist church in Harlem, NYC that has a counselor on staff, offering their services for free.

In relationships, we often bring our own baggage, heartache, scars, and secrets. Take for example, a guy who, when in a relationship, has other women on the side. Some may say he likes to have his cake and eat it too, but on a deeper level he could have issues with loneliness or abandonment. Woman after woman could label him as a dog, but it takes a concerned woman to recommend counseling. The follow through comes with the man actually committing to it, and realizing that the loneliness and abandonment issues may stem from the loss of his father at such a young age. We have to be available as family, friends, and partners to come from a place of love. Leave judgment to the court rooms. We have to listen twice as much as we speak and lead with compassion.

For more information, a great place to start is the National Institute of Mental Health (www.nimh.nih.gov). State and local resources will vary, but they are available.

Has a therapist or counselor helped with your own relationships?

Read the full article at singleblackmale.org.

Which One to Choose? A 7-Step Guide

noisettes-1_full

Sometimes, if we are lucky, we get to choose between two potential partners for us.  This makes sense because there are millions of people in the world and we are compatible with many.  There is great potential to be happy with more than one person in our lifetime, but when it comes to exclusivity in our relationship, we typically choose one person to focus our loving attention on.

Because our love energy and attention is going to be shared with this one particular person, s/he should be very special and offer us the type of relationship that we truly desire.  This quick guide can help you make your decision about which one to choose:

  1. Write a list of what you like and dislike about each potential partner.  Compare the lists, but also star the qualities that are most important to you.
  2. Communicate with your special someone to find out if s/he has a vision for your future together.  Your potential partner may not have a shared vision and this is important for you to know, too.  If both potential partners have shared visions of a future together, which future is most attractive to you?
  3. Ask yourself:  which one do you see yourself growing old with grace, dignity, and bonded closeness?
  4. Ask yourself:  which one will take better care of you when you are sick?
  5. Compare the fun factor for both potential partners.  Which one makes you laugh?
  6. Communication is important.  Which partner can you talk with most easily and share your innermost thoughts and feelings?
  7. Ask yourself:  which one is the one you would most want your son or daughter to marry?

No Valentine? No Worry! 5 Tips

A Life Lived in LoveHow can you enjoy your Valentine’s Day with no mate?  Focus on yourself and what you need to do to make progress toward your love goal.  Specifically:

  1. Think about what you have and all of your abundant blessings.  Chances are, you did not get these overnight and you worked hard over a period of time.
  2. Maintain a positive outlook on love.
  3. Know that Valentine’s Day is just one day out of the calendar year.
  4. Treat  yourself and those you love well on this day and everyday.
  5. Know that even those with partners often get disappointed on this day–manage your expectations!